spinning

and as they spin, or more so as my head spins, we become dizzy, numbed by societal desensitization... or maybe it is a factor of self-defense or survival that has led me to this unending fall from the sky? All I want to do is stop falling and falling and falling, or spinning and spinning and spinning........ I just want to hit the ground... get back up and start all over again... but for now, I continue to spin or fall.....

what do i do?

i wish i had that answer that would make everything better. right now, though, i'd tell you to take a number and wait your turn! because it seems to me that discontent (or whatever word you want to label it) is pretty prevalent. that is said in no way to diminish what you're feeling, but to let you know that you're not alone in the overriding sense that there's got to be more than this. there's got to be something, a peak or climax, or heck, even a plateau where this thing starts to make sense.

i used to laugh when i watched scooby doo because whenever he and shaggy would get scared ,they'd jump in the air, ready to run, to take off, and their legs would just spin and spin and spin. and i thought to myself, as a child, "that's silly. look at their legs spinning."

and yet, here i am. the real-life shaggy. scared beyond comprehension by some beaast (my own fears, inadequacy, hopelessness, insert-your-own-here) and my legs are spinning but i'm not moving.

what do we do?

I am stuck here in this place of disconnection. Conversations? Yeah right..... It is all I can do sometimes to roll out of the bed in the morning, let alone open the word or even attempt to pray. What do I do?